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Whenever we describe what we care about, what we intend, or what we want using words like “kinda” and “sorta” we demonstrate a lack of confidence in our ability, vision, or reputation that is necessary to inspire others. I know that when I use those words, I am likely worried about what my audience thinks about the idea I am presenting more than what would happen if what I am presenting doesn’t become a reality. Kinda and sorta are subtle apologies we give for having the audacity to paint a picture of a better future.
My perception is always shaded by my emotional security. If I am emotionally secure I see a safe world to operate in. I see others as opportunities to help or learn. When I am insecure, I see the world through a different lens. Others become a threat to all I hold dear. I shift to a more defensive mode that looks at everyone and everything with a suspicious eye. When emotional security is understood in these terms it becomes obvious about how much our emotional security plays into our interactions on a team.
When loyalty is based on something more than a transaction of benefits, it can last for a surprising amount of time. This type of loyalty is fragile and it sneaks up on you. It never comes when loyalty is the goal. It is always a surprising side-effect of a life giving relationship. It’s a surprise because the loyalty transaction isn’t expected and that makes it special. Loyalty and kindness come from the affection that is shared by teammates that have learned to back each other for a hundred little reasons no one can name. The weight of those nameless reasons pull us toward the loyal decision during that moment of choice we face at the fork in the road. This is true of marriages, teams, and lifelong friendships.